I have no enemies type shit

 I’ll never forget the first time I saw a homeless man. It was at night when my mother, my sister, and I were leaving Walmart. It was the first time the idea ever dawned to me that life could bring someone to that place. As I grew up, I became more aware that I was a young girl—and a target. I became weary, but it never stopped me from understanding. No matter how dangerous or scary the situation was, it never made me forget that it is so easy to look with judgement now, but if we went through all the experiences this person faced, how helpless would we be in withstanding their fate?


A young girl sat on the ground picking at grass. A boy started throwing pebbles at her, and pebbles became stones, only growing in size. She did not cry and sit there and take it, but she did not throw a single rock back either. What she did... she looked at his arm. It was covered in bruises... but that did not stop her from moving. She got up and walked away in silence. He kept trying to throw rocks as she got out of reach, but she did not react. Though, even if he never saw, with every step she took the bruises on his arm lingered in her mind. 


The rocks did not stop, but the feeling of the breeze against her didn’t either, the sound of her shoes ruffling through the grass didn’t stop either. No matter how much the rocks hurt, it did not stop her from feeling these either, because at the end of the day she was not the girl getting hit by rocks, but the girl walking through the grass against the breeze. At the end of the day the girl walking through the grass had no reason to take what was hurting her, but she had nothing to retaliate with either. The girl walking through the grass would walk away. And that’s what she did. 


Maybe the fact she could still be that girl while getting hurt by the rocks is beautiful. Maybe the small, minuscule things that make up our reality being so much more powerful in our being over what hurts us is beautiful. No matter what hurts us, the Earth still has power. That’s why the most powerful thing someone can do is be gentle. The Earth is the most powerful through its overwhelming gentleness, no matter what is going on in the world. Flowers don’t stop growing and the waves still ripple. The rocks hit her, but she feels the wind. That is the most beautiful thing I think. He threw the rocks at her, she does not take it, but she sees his scars. That is gentle. That is beautiful. 


I want to be a doctor someday, for me that means unconditional understanding. That no matter how someone comes to me, they deserve an equal chance at life. No matter what bad things they’ve done, if they had been treated better as a child, they wouldn’t be so helpless to their fate. Regardless of who they are, they still deserve an equal chance at life. I am growing up as a young girl and there are many who would wonder why I would even care about the circumstances that brought the homeless person to where they are when they could be putting me in danger, just like many would wonder why the girl cares about the scars on the boy's arm. Why would we give them that level of consideration when they are trying to hurt us. Of course we would put our safety first by leaving the situation, like the girl walking away. No, we don’t owe them the energy of that understanding. But it’s not for them—it’s for us. If I withhold that understanding from the homeless man, who’s to say I have the authority to grant unconditional understanding to my patients. Sure, in that moment, I may be a girl experiencing what it means to be a target, but foremost I am a girl in this gentle world. The girl who exists in this world, chooses to be gentle, chooses to understand. Therefore in that moment I choose to understand, not for them, but for me, because that is who I am. Being gentle is not weak, being gentle is the hardest thing somebody could do in this world. It is so hard being gentle when the world stays gentle instead of protecting us when life is dangerous. That is why I choose to understand. That is why she chooses to walk away.


(pov i just rewatched vinland saga and thorfinn is the goat)

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